Have you ever been in love; romantic love? This topic came up recently, and I was surprised by the reticence expressed by friends who worried about being the first to say “I love you.”
So I’m curious and asking why someone might hold back and wait to express their feelings? I realize there is a lot to be said for waiting to make sure your feelings are true and you are not confusing ‘love’ with its more ephemeral cousin – lust. I also recognize that one may want to use this word sparingly either because of the weight they feel this carries or concerns that the person hearing such a sentence may be caught off guard and not say (or mean it if they say) “I love you too.”
These are all good reasons for caution, but I’ve never been upset to hear “I love you”. Actually that expression – esp. when it has been backed up by actions – has made me feel like a million bucks. If I will have any regrets at the end of my life it might be that I’ve said those three words too infrequently to Sergio, my family and my friends; maybe I’ll work on that starting today.
FULL DISCLOSURE: I’ve been in a relationship for 14+years, and I know there is nothing more annoying to someone who is single or dating than a person in a LTR talking about dating; I’m mindful and hopefully I’ve tread lightly.
BosGuy 
BosGuy, thank you for this.
In my life, I AM usually the one to say this first to lovers (sorry, guys, I happen to prefer that term over “life partners.”). I usually say it, in the moment, or because I AM feeling Love strongly.
In the past, I have been “reprimanded” by some of these (now former) lovers for saying it too soon.
However, for many years, I had a fear that if I was open and honest with the people that I love, then they would walk out on me. I AM so very beyond over that shit!
So, when the Spirit moves me, I say “I love you.” to those beloveds.
With close friends and loved ones, it tends to be less often, but there are a lot more actions that express it, although I have been known to say or write those words during their Birthdays, the Holidays, etc.
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I LOVE YOU, gatinho! 🙂
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I get the resistance to say “I love you”, when you’re not 100% sure the sentiment will be returned. I’ve made a fool of myself more than once with this – and also been on the receiving end when I did not return the feelings.
But with anything, it is how you deal with it, and the person, that makes the man (or woman).
Yet, to Hampton’s question to you, I can’t tell who said it first in my relationship – but it’s been almost 29 years. Hell, I can’t remember to buy shallots at the grocery store anymore…..so WTF do I know?
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How long did it take for you to say I Love you to your partner after you thought it might be serious? And your partner…Who said it first and were you ready? Congrats on 14 plus.
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I can’t recall the moment or who said it first. I suppose what matters is one of us said it and we saw how happy it made the other person to hear it.
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I had one of those once in a lifetime relationships – it was 27 years, we owned property together before it was “cool” – we traveled together all over the place (he was a steward on a major carrier – in fact we bought our first home together and that afternoon he – with me tagging along – went to Spain where he was the lodo.)
My parents who G-D rest them z”l had no issues with the relationship and all four of us actually went on vacation together six or seven times.
All we could do was accept the love and give it back – when first my mother died, he was the first person at the grave to offer the shovel of dirt to burry the deceased. I never asked, and honestly we never talked about that but understood that our home would be the Shiva place – my sister and the rest of my family came up from Florida.
A couple of years later when my dad died – it was the same thing – a steady hand to guide me through one of the worst moments of life.
When he died my sister was just there and helped me step by step – I was as best able to stumble – not to step – but she knew how much he meant to to me and how much he supported not only me but her over the last two passings, how could I not honor him – and my sister just knew that.
It was a sad – but beautiful time of life – we all need experiences to learn from – so I am so greatful for the opportunity to learn. And from that learning be in the position to pay it forward. Such a gift.
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Thank you for sharing – that was quite beautifully written.
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I AM quite moved from what you shared, dandbear. May the Divine Great Mystery continue to Bless you and your Beloved’s Sacred Union, for I have no doubt that it has continued, regardless of his death.
And may the Divine Great Mystery continue to Bless you, now and always, in all ways.
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