You know what two words strikes fear into the hearts of gay men?
Bachelorette Party
Growing up it would have been inconceivable to think I would read an article like the one David at Wicked Gay Blog wrote, Please Don’t Host Your Bachelorette Party at my Favorite Bar. The sad fact is David’s post is not the first nor is it likely to be the last on the subject and as much as I want everyone to be welcome at a gay bar I wish bachelorette parties would be banned.
The hordes of overexcited drunk / annoying friends dressed in preposterous attire have a way of making gay men feel marginalized in gay bars. I agree with David that we don’t want to listen to your crappy Top 40 requests that are played at your neighborhood bar (BTW – that is where you should be celebrating) and we don’t want to kiss you or feel your boobs just because of some ridiculous list your friends created for you. Your presence at our bars ruins the experience for the men who have come to what they thought was a gay bar. If you don’t believe me, come back some other night (preferably sober and with one friend rather than an entire sorority). You’ll see that gay bars still play an important part in gay life where friends connect and romances (for one night, one summer, a lifetime) still manifest. However, none of that is possible when a busload of obnxious women in penis tiaras crash a gay bar.
So I’d like to reiterate David’s message to all the future Bridezillas and their Maids of Honor who plan these evenings out – Please go elsewhere.
BosGuy 
For my own sanity, I have to give this situation a general pass. This activity is one more on the list where I need to practice some tolerance. From there, a particular group might need to be asked to leave based on actions that make their presence unwelcome.
I am really shocked how many issues are continually bantered on social media. In this case, how many straight women subscribers are their to this blog? So, thank you Mickeyboarder for information about an action taken after consideration and with a policy now behind its position that the groups had become a problem.
The reality is this is as discriminatory as “No xxx or yyy” as a sexual preference. It’s overly generalized and exclusionary, particularly with the use of “our” bars. (The few left in Boston apparently. I wonder if owners are all in on the idea of these large boozy groups.)
That said, “intent” plays a major part of where tolerance wains. When, as been said, the venue is seen as appropriate for behavior described that indicates the perception of the group & their plan. It’s not a big top show, it’s a “gay bar”. Apparently, the all male Chippendale revue is no longer.
The “our” comment raises concern as feathers get ruffled over pretty much everything today. Which of the 28 gender pronouns (as legally defined for NY State) does that include? And, I don’t know all of the terms, likely never will and/or use appropriately, yet support whatever anyone does for themself, while not effecting me. There’s someone waiting to check me on that for sure. Yet, I have no negative intent. If I want a little patience, understanding, tolerance etc., I need to give it.
Again, there’s possibly more places who see this behavior – and it’s the behavior along with it’s “ok” because of the venue – meeting to take a stand. (That thinking related to behavior examples given is a true underlying perception of a venue – gay, straight, etc. )
However, it’s too easy these days to claim a position – when it’s really a bitch session.
That is also stirrring the pot as thick as excluding races on a profile.
To me, there’s a clear line cross with certain behaviors above. So, kick them out. Arrest them! (Some of the above potentially warrants.) Otherwise, because a group has somehow overtaken what the DJ is spinning, suck it up – it’s not my bar, your bar or our bar.
It’s a public place that everyone is legally welcome. That’s different than (bordering) assault or other actual offense.
Entitlement including double-standards isn’t attractive on anyone from my perspective. There’s such quick condemnation of generalities, stepping back at specifics & motives and resolving as they occur – not prejudging or excluding is what I believe proper behavior towards others.
I will say I’m grateful to not have encountered this trend.
And, the lovely in the photo hopefully got some makeover tips before being put out the back, though she looks moments away as captured. Poor thing. Wonder how she & her Prince are fairing.
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Sorry, but regular bars don’t typically want them either. Seems like promoting segregation to me. Its ok to tell one group to stay out of a bar, but not another? Hypocritical much?
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Is it segregation to ban large parties that molest and offend a bar’s patrons? Nobody is saying not to let women in a gay bar.
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Wrong. Straight women are welcome, their bachelorette parties are not. It’s not fucking complicated. Only gay bars in states with marriage equality should allow them. Fair is fair, the rest is just PC whining.
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Actually bars, clubs etc have a long history of removing groups they find disruptive. There is a difference btwn banning women and banning parties.
I don’t understand the PC comment.
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Isn’t that kinda like telling a group of gay men to stay in the gay bars where they belong? It might be annoying but it’s tolerable. Aren’t we trying to build tolerance for the gay community?
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…and it’s not like they are coming down to party with their Gay friends and include them in the festivities. They are having their party at a Gay Bar much like others might plan a picnic/party at the Zoo. The place is an Attraction and they are only coming to gawk and be so “edgy.”
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Get all the info from them and then arrange a group of your Gay friends to Crash the Wedding! Bring the FUN to THEM!!! The new husband will LOVE it!
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I have been bitching about this for years here in San Diego! They have RUINED a couple of our formerly fun gay places. I’m all about everyone getting along, but they don’t seem to understand that they really put a damper on the mood of our clubs and bars. And here, it’s not just occasional bachelorette parties, it’s most weekends. To make matters worse, many have started dragging their uncomfortable boyfriends along, which makes others uncomfortable too… fun to look at sometimes, but not if you feel your making them even more uncomfortable, so go somewhere else!
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They need to just stay the “flip” out….Nothing worse than a bunch of stupid drunk straight women.
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Mainestreet during the summer months have this issue and they are putting a cover in place to deter bachelorette parties starting this weekend. Please note if you get on their emailing list, every Thursday before the weekend they will send out a free entry code that will let you in free all weekend. So the bachelorette parties that show up have to pay the cover if they want to get in. Check out Mainestreets facebook page for details.
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I will not be popular for saying this, but I think it’s a little bit of a double standard. The argument does not seem to be that they are annoying and inappropriate (in any bar), but that they are annoying and inappropriate in OUR bars. Annoying as it may be (admittedly I have never experienced the bridezilla parties) it’s unfair to be exclusive and expect to be included in traditionally non-gay establishments. If a bunch of annoying gay guys were “drunk and overexcited and wearing ridiculous attire,” (angel wings, hot pants, and sailor caps anyone?) and someone suggested they keep to their own places, the gay community would cry foul. Fact is, annoying people are everywhere and, like it or not, should be allowed anywhere they are not doing harm to the other patrons.
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@ Tony Living in P-Town for several years now I have experienced these parties 1st hand. While some are well behaved happy to be out & about doing their thing. Not having to worry about men picking them up. More often than not they are sloppy, annoying,rude, nasty, drunken messes. Come down for a week-end in the spring or fall Tony & experience it & see for yourself 1st before you defend these bridzillas. I can pretty much guarantee you’ll change your mind when they’re ruining your getaway.
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Thank you. My point exactly
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The real problem is that there is no “right” answer. Gay men are feeling driven out of their own establishments by the very people who say they “LOVE” gays. “Bridezillas” and their entourages probably should be welcome but they must also understand the venues. When one attends the roller-derby, is it appropriate to shriek that a favorite soap opera isn’t on the mega-tron? When attending the Indy 500, should one expect a discussion of breast feeding? Or drown out the announcer at 180 decibels? When one attends a piano bar, it isn’t acceptable to HOG the seats at the piano only to turn to your “bestie” and discuss “ad alto vocce” ANYTHING other than the talent of the pianist or one of the other singers at the bar. If one chooses to sit at the piano (and is so fortunate as to be able to get a seat there) he or she should be prepared to sing. And, if you can’t sing, at least shut up so those who want to sing may. I am also perplexed how the owners and managers are expected to “screen” the unwanted before ill-behavior. I’m sure there is no good way. Gays and Lesbians have fought so long (and are still fighting) for acceptance and now that we are gaining a toehold, we are being shouted out of our places of recreation. Would comparable boorish behavior be tolerated at the PTA, a staff meeting, the OB/GYN office lobby? Probably not. Of course, I am probably preaching to the choir.
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Thanks for the shout out handsome!!! xoxox Dave, WGB
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Oh I know of what the article you got this from speaks! Jacques in Boston. Transgender friend thought it might be fun. Until we get there and it’s two gay guys (us), transgende and her wife. First it was quiet for about 20 mintues. And then the horde came in.
I understand these bar owners have to make money – but really?
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