Why does it get harder to date a contemporary as we get older

gay-men-datingDavid Artavia penned a blog post on TheRealGayGuy.com a few months ago asking Is it Hard for Older Gay Guys to Date Men Their Own Age?”

I generally shy away from topics like this on my blog because I realize that I have no current experience on this subject and if it weren’t for the stories of my single gay friends I wouldn’t have the slightest idea of how difficult it is to meet and date a peer when you are no longer in your 20s.

Artavia in part blames that difficulty on the fact that for many older gay men we become obsessed (his word not mine) with youth and beauty, which might blind them from dating contemporaries who they have more in common. While I think that could be true for some, I also think that there are two important other reasons it gets increasingly difficult.

First, most everyone is single in their 20s so you have a much larger dating pool of contemporaries to meet and date. That changes over time with more friends pairing up, leaving a gap that can only be filled by dating people outside your age; with there always being more, younger single men than older (or so it seems). Second, as we get older we become more settled and making space for an equal who also has their own routines, relationships and responsibilities can be a tricky thing to make work.  Either way dating can be tough for the relationship-minded and I’m curious to get your thoughts so please share.

2 responses to “Why does it get harder to date a contemporary as we get older

  1. Clearly, I have little experience in this field as well…as I’m almost 32 yrs into my own relationship w an “age appropriate” man.

    That said, while I do feel that men (and society in general) are youth and beauty obsessed there is another underlying predicament (if you will): most men don’t think they’re as old as they are. Even myself. I’m 53 and still feel as if I’m in my 30s. Humour-wise, I’m still in my teens. We still we think have a shot w the younger crowd because we still think we ARE the younger crowd.

    And when someone our own age approaches us, we see that they’re older. Whether it translates to that we’re older or not, is uncertain. Oddly enough, even as a teen, I’ve always been attracted to older men.

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  2. My view is you have to be first comfortable with yourself. Not always easy. But once you are it allows so many more opportunities. My Didier z”l and I shared lots of things – same birthday (well, I was five years senior) his cooking, and his mother. You know it is real when you go to France and visit on your own. Plus she was an amazing seamstress – drapes, duvet covers and she actually redid the couch.

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