14 Years ago today Massachusetts became the first state in the United States to legalize same sex marriage. Conservatives said Mass. was making a mockery of marriage, yet this state still has the lowest divorce rate in the country.
Category Archives: Relationships
This past weekend I met a nice guy named Tony who lives in Boston. After being introduced by a mutual friend, we learned that we both have a blog. His blog chronicles his dating life and is called gaysiandating.
Recent posts from Tony include a fun night out at a gay bar in Iceland with a few straight guys; a sexually frustrating meeting this summer in Provincetown that may or may not (I wasn’t quite sure) turn into a friendship; and a Tinder date that really clicked until it didn’t. Sound interesting? Check out Tony’s blog and leave him a comment or two (us bloggers love that sort of thing).
I’ve added the link above to my blogroll so you can easily find it in the future.
This past weekend I was reading a brief article on Instinct Magazine’s website which said a survey of 5,000 LGBT British people told The Stonewall Organization that more than 50% of gay men are uncomfortable with holding their significant other’s hand when in public. Moreover, the organization reported that 20% of respondents had been the victim of a hate crime in the past year. Perhaps the most disturbing finding was that more than 80% of victims said they did not contact the police afterwards.
Perhaps all those signs exclaiming “Love is Love” should come with an asterisk indicating that loving your partner comes with an inherent risk and therefore isn’t really welcome. We all have friends who have faced violence or been subjected to it ourselves so this isn’t exactly a surprise even if it is disheartening to read.
While these results are based on a survey of LGBT British men, I think the findings would be mirrored here in the US with different parts of the country showing more or less hesitation to share public displays of affection. You can download the full report here: LGBT in Britain – Hate Crime & Discrimination.
Recently, The Boston Gayllennial, wrote a post about getting dumped. His (now) ex-boyfriend, broke up with him over the phone, saying, “we are too different”. The surprise conversation forced our young gayllennial into a self-reflection spiral that ended with him asking himself (and nearly all his friends), “Do opposites attract or do relationships require you to seek out a carbon copy counterpart to succeed?”
Fortunately, his friend Lenae told him what we all know to be true, that it isn’t an either or answer because people are different. I’d also like to give his girlfriend a shout out for more than just her sage advise. She gets bonus points from yours truly for what she does next to our impressionable gayllennial.
Feel free to read the wonderfully written blog post, THE PRINCE AND THE PAUPER: A BREAK UP STORY. I think a lot of you may enjoy his writing and past posts, which are entertaining and anecdotal in nature.
Since my post from earlier this week, Middle aged men are more susceptible to feeling lonely,proved to be so popular, I thought I would also give a shout out to an article I read from Gareth Johnson earlier this week, 7 ways to meet guys that don’t involve Grindr or gay bars. In the article he offers up these seven suggestions to which I’ve offered my own commentary.
1. Talk to Strangers: I would particularly like to see guys from Boston take some cues from Gareth who opens the article suggesting we get comfortable with talking to strangers. Perhaps his point resonates with me so strongly because that is exactly how Sergio and I met. There happened to be lots of alcohol and some vintage Whitney blaring on a dance floor in Cambridge as well but we were both strangers and one of us (that would be me) stepped up and said hello.
2. Out at Work: His suggestions continue with being true to yourself at work by not being closeted. It still amazes me how many people I meet who feel that either they cannot or will not talk about their personal life at work out of fear of retaliation or not being promoted. But since many of us spend so much of our life at work it only makes sense to be open to sharing aspects of your personal life there.
3. & 4. Play Sport & Volunteer: Suggestions 3 & 4 respectively are to join a sports club / team or volunteer. Fortunately Boston offers great opportunities to do both. This past fall I shared about 20 different gay sports leagues you can join here and I regularly write about volunteering opportunities through Gay for Good Boston.
5. Go to the Gym: I jokingly refer to the gym as the gay man’s temple, but it’s a public space where you will meet and get to know people if you go regularly.
6. & 7. Network & Take Risks: I think of as putting yourself out there.
All of this is easier said than done, and I recognize doing this won’t guarantee you’ll connect and make friends or meet someone special but it is a start.
David Artavia penned a blog post on TheRealGayGuy.com a few months ago asking “Is it Hard for Older Gay Guys to Date Men Their Own Age?”
I generally shy away from topics like this on my blog because I realize that I have no current experience on this subject and if it weren’t for the stories of my single gay friends I wouldn’t have the slightest idea of how difficult it is to meet and date a peer when you are no longer in your 20s.
Artavia in part blames that difficulty on the fact that for many older gay men we become obsessed (his word not mine) with youth and beauty, which might blind them from dating contemporaries who they have more in common. While I think that could be true for some, I also think that there are two important other reasons it gets increasingly difficult.
First, most everyone is single in their 20s so you have a much larger dating pool of contemporaries to meet and date. That changes over time with more friends pairing up, leaving a gap that can only be filled by dating people outside your age; with there always being more, younger single men than older (or so it seems). Second, as we get older we become more settled and making space for an equal who also has their own routines, relationships and responsibilities can be a tricky thing to make work. Either way dating can be tough for the relationship-minded and I’m curious to get your thoughts so please share.